Focus on anything but what upsets me.

I think I look good in purple.

I received great news today! Landed a lead role in The Play! If I had it my way, I probably would have jumped for joy in the train home just now. But I didn't have it my way, so I only grinned like a retard on my seat. Ha ha. That's funnier and crazier than jumping in my opinion.

Went out with the two boys earlier. Come to think of it, I don't know why these two are the closest to me in school. Maybe it has to do with the fact that one is my classmate while the other is a lecture + CQ classmate, and also they have been willing to spend time with me.
Why did I choose them as friends? Hmm. That's something worth writing about in another post.

It's the holidays now. Must be every teenager's nightmare; NO ALLOWANCE. As for people like me still in school who don't always receive money from my parents, that means there is absolutely no two ways about me enjoying the holidays. This topic is already depressing enough, so I'm going to just divert my attention to something else happier.

Speaking of depression, my friend is somewhat in depression right now. I hope it's nothing too serious. I keep telling him to go out, have fun, it's not like you're broke anyway because you actually do have money to spend. So go do something fun for yourself, you know? But no. He chooses to coop himself up at home and insists on shutting his ears to every word of advise and defend his actions. He's wrong about one thing though. I do understand what it feels like to look and feel like shit every waking minute. When you just want to go home and curl up in bed so no one will know you exist until you somehow magically become a beautiful swan, just like the ugly duckling. That would be the day when you look at those who teased or laughed at you in the eye and say "Fuck You."

And they'll all be silent.

My point is: How do I tell him that confidence was all he needed to be beautiful in his own way? How do I say that the more "perfect" you look, the more criticism will come your way? That trying to be who you are not will only tear you apart?
Tsk. So the susah.


***

I'm getting scared.